"How Not to Comply and Lose Yourself in the Intimate Relationship"
Book Excerpts, Previews and Behind the Scenes
If You Lose Someone Else But Find Yourself, You Won
If you lose someone else but find yourself, you won. For a very long time it doesn't feel like you won, but for me waves of fleeting but poignant flashes hit here and there, clarity, insight, strength moments, and whispers of Intuitive encouragement told me to stay the 'coarse' course, to focus on my empowerment and never allow anyone to shame,control, or force compliance upon me no matter the cost. No matter the deep hurtful loss, no matter the denial of connection with her kids, mutual friends, or else....do not drop into losing myself.
Is the indecision eating away at you and disturbing your sleep and focus in life?
It can throw you into a tornado of confusion. Are you wanting to leave because the conflict stems from something you can't face within yourself? Maybe you should stick it out, maybe more patience is what's needed but then again you can't wait around for someone to change? Or maybe you need to leave because you have a deal breaker? Are you sure you can't overcome it with compromise? Is it just an argument or are you allowing yourself to be abused mentally or emotionally. Are you facing a situation that is part of the normal fights that all couples have or is there something unhealthy or abusive about your partner? Is it quitting to walk away? Is it compromising or abusive to yourself to stay and put up with what's going on? What's what? How do you know you're not being blind-sighted to your own issues being the cause to the problem vs your partner having the problem? You play a role in it too afterall, what's your issue vs. your partners part of the issue?
You want to stand by their side, you don't want to leave when the going gets tough, but then again in some cases you are the only person that will teach them how you will be treated. You and only you, that decides to allow or disallow someone to treat you as you should be treated. In some cases if you are allowing their behavior to continue it is self-neglect and self-disrespect. It's up to you to get out, you are the one this burden falls upon. No one will pluck you up out of your unhealthy relationship. No one will give you your answer, You must figure it out. Your mind is not capable alone in making this decision, you must turn to your body. What does your body say?
These are some self-examination questions to help you end the indecision:
- Is your sleep disturbed by this indecision? Take note of when you began losing sleep.
- Are you suffering in health because of this indecision? Your body will tell you if the stress is too much, trust your bodies wisdom.
- Does your partner prove progress with ACTIONS of love or are they just WORDS of love? If your partner is not backing up his/her words with actions, they are likely empty words.
- When you check in intuitively, do you feel your partner is being honest with himself/herself? Often what is so confusing is when your partner says one thing but does another, maybe s/he really wants to do a certain thing but is incapable of it deep within but can't admit it to themselves.